Cold and Freakishly Depressing Mountain

SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN OR READ COLD MOUNTAIN, I WOULD ADVISE AGAINST READING THIS. ALSO, PLEASE DON'T SPOIL THE MOVIE FOR ME, AS I'VE ONLY READ THE BOOK SO FAR.

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I finished the book Cold Mountain a while back. [I am almost always several years behind in reading books on the best-sellers lists. I knew I wanted to read this book before I saw the movie though (several years behind on movies, as well). I can't stand seeing a movie and THEN reading the book, b/c I cannot get the images from the movie, images imagined and created by someone else, out of my head. And not that writers and directors don't do a fine job of bringing a best-seller to life in film. I just prefer to conjure up my own images.]

Anyway...I didn't know much about CM other than it was about the Civil War. And long lost love.

I swear to G, every freaking chapter ended with either someone dying, or with an animal dying. More often than not, it was an animal dying.

Most often, it was out of necessity. CM dude was a rebel army deserter (sounds yellow, but makes more sense if you understand the history of the civil war and how things were for the south at the end of it. I did not begrudge his being a deserter). He was "walking" his way back to Cold Mountain of the Appalachians, and had to kill animals to survive. Understandable. Still, I'd rather not hear the gory details of it all.

Even if you can forgive the "killing animals for food" theme, there are plenty of animals that die for no good reason. Like mother bears accidentally diving off the side of cliffs, leaving baby bears behind. And then CM dude thinking that he could take baby bear as a pet, and getting all sentimental about it before shooting baby bear in the head.

Or goat mountain woman having many goats for pets, which she used to live off of, which is all fair and good. But they describe it something like this (paraphrased):

And a goat walked up to goat woman and starting nudging her, and she stroked it's beard and scratched it's ear (all content like it was a pet cat or something), before she breaks its neck or stabs it or whatever so she can eat it.

And all kinds of turkeys and horses and other animals are killed, too.

The book as whole was depressing. Every chapter ended for me in a bad way. The first time someone or something died, I was upset and cried like I would in any other book as it usually only happens once or twice in books I read. But as every chapter ended like that, I kinda got used to it. By the later chapters, I could tell what the end of the chapters were going to come to, and I'd think, "well...here we go again" and then, "great! another animal/person was killed. Great!"..close the book...go to sleep...a disturbed sleep.

There is no way a book like that can end on a good note. And the f-er tricks you into thinking it will end on a good note, and it doesn't.

So you think CM dude is killed in the end, but you don't know for sure. At that point I thought, knowing this author and the way things have gone thus far, he had to have died.

The beginning of the next chapter leads you to believe he's alive for a second. I thought this about the author:...aw...what a softie. After all that darkness, he brings us a good ending after all. Aw.

But in fact, he was talking about someone else. He wants you to THINK he's talking about CM dude (whose name is Inman), but really, he was talking about someone else. At that point, I thought, "that f'er. I KNEW he'd have to make this a bad and depressing ending" Sure, the leading gal Ada ended up having his kid, after his death, but so what.

But the darkness makes sense, too. The American Civil War was not a cheery, upbeat time, as no war really is. It's a horrible place to be...both for the people fighting in the war, and for the people at home waiting for them, and for society. The book was very well written and very well representative of the time. I did not expect it to be a happy-go-lucky story, or that it should have been called Warm Fuzzy Mountain....although I did think it was going to be more of a love story and that they'd end up together. I also could have understood the darkness of war without hearing about all the animal killings.

Overall, although it was a good book, it's just not my preferred genre. Now, I don't necessarily like only upbeat books....but I don't know...survival and depression and animal slaughtering are just not things I like to read about on a regular basis.

Another thing was that I could not identify with Ada at all. I just didn't like her character, or at least I didn't understand her, or on the most basic level, did not see much of myself in her. That didn't make her a bad character, but I do like books where I can understand and relate to the main character, or see some of myself in them. I know it's selfish and narrow-minded, but it's not really. There are many fictional characters I enjoy reading about who are nothing like me, yet I understand them, or I see a little of myself in them. I saw little of myself in Ada.

I will still watch the movie though, as it will be interesting to see how well the movie follows the book, or how they butcher the book, as is usually what happens in movies, both out of necessity and out of a need to please the public. I wonder if they'll have him die in the end (please don't tell me). I did hear that they did in fact focus more on the Hollywood-type and expected type of love in this movie than they did in the book.

Knowing what I already knew about the movie, I unfortunately could not help but think of Jude Law and Nicole Kidman while reading the novel. Without having seen the movie, I would say that Jude Law was a good match for the role (of course, I am a fan of his...), as well as Natalie Portman (fan of hers, too, and yes I've seen Closer). Renee Zelweger (fan), too, although I had originally pictured Renee's character as a black woman for some reason..but once I figured out that it was the character that Renee played, I can see it.

I did not imagine the character that Phillip Seymore Hoffmann played looking like him, but I didn't have a good grasp of what that character looked like while I was reading, so I can now see PSH being good in that role. Donald Sutherland is sufficient as Ada's father, but I think any patriarchal character actor could have filled that role. Can totally see Giovanni Ribisi playing Junior...I think he'll be damn good as that.

It's Nicole Kidman that I don't like as this character. She doesn't seem right for this role, and I'm tired of her taking all the good roles just b/c she is Nicole Kidman. I am very picky about accents, and if I detect an inkling of an Australian accent, I won't like it.

Still, I can't judge it until I see it. Nicole Kidman is an excellent actress, as much as I criticize, and quite frankly, she had me at To Die For. She's one of those ultra famous ones that I really don't want to like, but that I secretly do like.

I'll update once I see the movie.

Back In The Zone

I'm back in my zone again, fitness-wise.

I'm not sure what gets me there and what doesn't exactly...but I do know that it's a mental thing - a state of mind, if you will. Yes, it's whether you want it or don't want it, sure. But how *that* gets in my brain (I wanna do it, I don't wanna do it), I'm not entirely sure. All I know is, if I don't feel like working out, it isn't going to happen.

Being in the zone means I've been working out every day, and liking it. It takes a few weeks to realize I'm back in it. You can't work out ONE day and then say "I'm feeling it. I'm back in." Nope...you won't know for a few weeks.

I know a big part of it for me is simply the time of year. As the summer months approach, it gets warmer, and stays light out longer...more conducive for me as far as wanting to move my body. I have written before that in the winter I want to hibernate - I want to sleep more, and cuddle up in bed, and eat more. But in the summer, I feel like I always want to be on the go.

I have decided to go with it this time...my normal states of mind. Since I feel like working out in the summer, I don't think I'll take breaks from it. I typically break between challenges. But why do that if I feel like I want to keep going?

Plus, I'm not taking many free days from working out. I'm just going to go for it every day, and if I miss a day here or there, no big deal, b/c I'm working out every day anyway. Like today, I could not work out this morning due to unforeseen dog issues. That's okay, b/c I haven't missed a day of working out in 3 weeks. More than likely, I will walk tonight anyway. Although I'm not currently counting that as an official workout, at least I won't be totally sedentary.

Likewise, I'm going to go with how I feel in winter months. When the time comes, I am only going to plan for 3-4 workouts a week, and probably something different than my usual weight training and HIIT - probably yoga and Pilates. It may sound lame to only work out 3 times a week, but it is better than nothing, and I have been known to go through long stretches of nothing in the winter. If I only need to do 3 or 4 a week, that is less pressure on myself, and will more than likely be ready to go back to 6-7 a week in the spring. Taking a break in the winter will prevent a burnout, as I am doing this for the rest of my life.

I am also not going to try to do it through the holidays like I did last year. F that. It's no fun, and pretty much not doable, and not what the holidays are about for me. Thanksgiving and Christmas will be free weeks. Yes, I said WEEKS.

It takes a while to know yourself, and I've learned that this is what Myself wants and what will work for me.

Getting back to my current zone, I think another reason I'm in it is just b/c I'm continuing to figure out how to work things inti my schedule, with the baby and all. I'm figuring out what I can and cannot reasonably accomplish in a day.

Tasting Lips of Wine

I LOVE it when I wake up in the morning after having wonderful dreams full of passion.

Call me a woman, but I prefer the romantic & passionate dreams over the hard core XXX sex ones.

Actually, it's not really romance exactly. Chocolate and roses and stuff like that are boring in dreams. I like the really passionate ones...the way you feel when you are first attracted to someone - that FIRE, you know? Lots of passion. Those dreams are awesome.

I had one last night and I feel fantastic. It feels like I just met someone new and that I've got a crush going on. I've got that glowing happy feeling.

And not that I'm overly lacking in passion in my life or that I'm unhappy right now in that way. And I'm not LOOKING for anything outside my marriage. My husband and I have a very stable kind of love (at least if you ask me today we do. Ask me again tomorrow.)...we understand each other completely. We are companions. There is still attraction and passion, but I'm sorry, it will never be the way it was 16 years ago when we first met, b/c...well...we first met 16 years ago, not yesterday! It can't be repeated! It can be revised and revisited and rekindled, but not repeated.

So the dreams and getting that feeling back is fun. In my dream last night, I met Benicio Del Toro at a party.

I used to have a huge crush on him. He can look bad, but he can look really good sometimes in a dark way. At this party, he was really into me, and I was digging it. We flirted and flirted, and ended up in some back room. I can't even remember if we kissed or did anything, but we were getting there. Just the fact that he was attracted to me was awesome.
















You know how dreams are weird. Come to think of it, it wasn't really Benicio Del Toro. I mean it was supposed to be him, but he really looked more like Adrian Grenier. His eyes were definitely Adrian's.























There was also a little bit of this guy from Tracker in him, a Tracker I will not name! In my dream, this Benicio/Adrian/Tracker dude combo talked kind of funny. He was cute, but at times he looked squirrelly. But in the dream, I was like, "so he's a little odd. It's BENICIO DEL TORO! And he wants ME!".

And I woke up feeling all girlish and giddy, and I still feel that way.

I think that is the way to go. If you need that beginning of a relationship passion forever in your life, instead of getting divorced and remarried all the time in order to constantly try to maintain that beginning passion (and I know that's not the only reason people get divorced, but I do believe it's the reason for some), enjoy your dreams fully. If you don't dream, fantasize. My dreams are very safe. No one will get hurt, and I can enjoy the passion fully without any heartbreak. When I have dreams like that about my husband, that is the ideal. But I'll take movie stars, too.

Imaginary lovers
Never turn you down
When all the others turn you away
They're around
It's my private pleasure
Midnight fantasy
Someone to share my
Wildest dreams with me
Imaginary lover
You're mine anytime
Imaginary lover, oh yeah

When ordinary lovers
Don't feel what you feel
And real-life situations lose their thrill
Imagination's unreal
Imaginary lover, imaginary lover
You're mine anytime

[Instrumental Interlude]

Imaginary lovers never disagree
They always care
They're always there when you need
Satisfaction guaranteed
Imaginary lover, imaginary lover
You're mine all the time
My imaginary lover
You're mine anytime


It's a cheesy song to hear, but I like the words. And of course, don't forget The Everly Brothers:

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
When I want you in my arms
When I want you and all your charms
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream

When I feel blue in the night
And I need you to hold me tight
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I'm dreamin' my life away

I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I'm dreamin' my life away

I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream


(But, "gee-whiz", that seems to be about someone specific and a bit obsessive and melodramatic.)