Rhetorical Questions, Holiday Cheer, and Bah! Humbug - Being Cross

It infuriates me when people flick their cigarettes out of their car when I'm driving behind them, and the burning cig comes back and hits my car. It happens all the freaking time.

It happened today. And it really pissed me off. I flicked my brights at the wench, and as they say constantly on Thomas the Tank Engine, I felt very "cross".

The anger was building, and I was cussing to myself. The more I thought of the burning cig hitting my car, the madder I got at the helplessness of the situation (what can I do about it now? She got her way with her cig and my car).

As I was feeling angry, Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" played on the radio. I had just watched "A Christmas Carol" last night and read the story last week. I realized I was fuming mad at someone I didn't know for no real good reason, right in the middle of a holiday season when I should be feeling joy towards Humankind.

Do cigarettes that hit my car really hurt me or my car? I honestly don't know, but I doubt it. I know I don't like the *idea* of a burning flying object hitting my car. Could it blow up my car somehow, lol? I know that's a silly girl thing to say, but what if a drop of gas got on my car after I filled up? What then? Could the heat of the cig hurt my paint job? Back when I had a sun roof and if I had it open, I worried about the cig flying into my car. But typically, it just hits the front of my car, but it does hit my car. I'm sure what makes me mad is that I feel like I'm being trampled on by my neighbor. The haughty taughty smoker thinks that she's so above me that she can fling her cig at my car. It's humiliating on some level. (not to mention the anonymous people who flick their cigs in our driveway. Why do people think they can throw their trash out like that? That's what it is. Trash.)

So my first question is: What is a normal response to a burning cigarette being thrown at one's car? Clearly, I was way too angry about it. In the spirit of A Christmas Carol, am I just supposed to smile and feel cheery and love my fellow driver, burning cig projectile and all? I'm not being smart ass...I really want to know! Is a normal response a feeling of mild irritation, internally, without blinking the brights, and then move on and be happy and love my fellow driver again? In other words, is the proper response just to lay low and take it?

My second question is: Why *am* I so angry these days? Before the cig incident this morning, I was mad at another driver. I was behind her waiting to turn left out of our neighborhood. There was lots of traffic b/c we live right by a high school where classes were about to start, but still, at some point, you just have to go already. This woman waited, and waited, and waited, and waited...I mean I swear she was waiting until she could see no cars anywhere.

I was getting really frustrated (cross again)...you know, have to get to daycare, have to get to work, etc. And I started cussing. What the fuck is she waiting for? And JC! (sorry JC). All of this while baby was in the car....bad. (he doesn't really notice now, but he will, and you know, he probably notices more than I realize).

She finally went, and I was right behind her. We came up to a red light. When it turned green, she just sat there. She rolled backwards a little. Ah...now I see the problem. Engine problems. Her car kept dying. Not totally her fault. And so then I felt all forgiving, right? Wrong. I said "what the fuck is she doing now?" and went around her. The truck behind me was right behind me.

So...why am I so angry? Am I just a bad person, like Scrooge? Is it the environment I was raised in? Is it the sometimes over the top angry person I live with? Am I generally unhappy with my life? Do I hate my fellow man that much? Are there little stresses just nagging at me which surface when I drive? Is it just "that time of year"?

I'd really like to know, b/c I am trying to be a better person. For my baby, for myself, for the good of all. I want to be kind, forgiving, understanding, gentle. I don't know if I'll ever get to all of that, but I cannot over-react every time little things happen. Plus, I really do wonder where all this anger is coming from. I think I have ideas, but I don't like that answer. Although it's fixable, with a little work.


I think writing it out like this is a good first step in Anger Management. I want to fix it. I want to stop my auto-response or at least have more control over it. I don't want to end up with 3 spirits visiting me, although, if that's what it takes, bring 'em on.

P.S. This is not a slam against my smoking friends. Most people I actually know who smoke are quite courteous. It's those smoking strangers who seem to be the foolios. :)

Week 6

I'm in the middle of week 6 of a 12-week challenge, and I'm really feeling the motivation. It takes a few weeks, you know? Most people, including myself, are pretty impatient. After a few days, if I am not feeling super fantastic all the time, I tend to wonder why. I know it's not enough time, but logic doesn't prevail.

I start feeling a little better at about 2 weeks, super better at 4, and now at week 6 it's an all time high. I can be in a really bad mood before I lift weights, and then mid-workout, the endorphins kick in, and I am in a chipper mood. It's a fantastic feeling, not only to be high, but to be on a natural high.

And cardio. Ah cardio. That takes a *really* long time for me to start to enjoy. 5 weeks to be exact. I am now finally really into it and I look forward to it. I am doing Turbo Jam dvd's. At first, I drug my butt through it and did the bare minimum. I wondered if I'd ever be able to make it through. Now, I am using weighted gloves and bouncing around as much as the bounciest girls on the video do, and giving it as much gusto. I'm like a little old cheerleader, heh. It still kills me...but I get a rush. I generally feel great afterwards.

My overall energy levels are very high, and I love that. I get so much done in this state of mind. Around 8 pm, I still get tired, and when it's bed time, I crash. But I sleep very well, unless it's interrupted by the various living things in my house that will interrupt sleep.

Also, my self-esteem is higher. I can walk with pride, limp and all (not everyone knows that story. A later post). It's hard to describe the feeling you get when you take care of yourself. It just changes you. I even notice I photograph better. I think it's all the water that helps my skin.

None of this is news to me. I've done several challenges before, but this is my first real breakthrough challenge since having baby in 2006.

I know I'm not going to miss a workout now. I've been perfect so far, and each day I remember that, and I don't want to mess up the perfection by missing a workout. Now, if something legit comes up...baby starts puking or a tree falls on our house...sure, I'll miss a workout. But I've yet to have a valid reason like that yet.

Just Sunday, the thought crossed my mind to skip my ubwo. I thought...I'll just do it Monday. I'll double up on cardio and ubwo. That's where the important decision has to be made, right then and there, and I decided to work out on Sunday. When I start procrastinating and making stupid excuses, I fail. There was no reason not to work out Sunday other than pure laziness in the guise of "I have other things to do". I knew that, and so I did not go off plan. I've made it a priority.

Eating is not so bad. Could be better. I'm working on it. Tonight though, I'm having a beer. :)

I hope I don' t get sick this year. That happened the first year I did this workout/eating right program - I didn't get sick all winter. Not even a cold. That was a first for me, b/c I almost always get several colds a winter.

Not getting sick may be too much to ask with little baby in daycare and the exposure I get to all these little kid germs. However, I think this week I had a cold, and didn't even know it. I realized I was sniffing a bit and sneezing, too, and felt something something in the back of my throat, but it's almost like an afterthought or a side note instead of ruling me. My body becomes very powerful when it's in tip top shape.

Body Part Progress Report:

Face - looks thinner. My cheek bones are showing nicely (not too thin). It's pretty easy to slim down my face though.

Shoulders - shaping up nicely and getting definition.

Arms - ditto shoulders for arms. I'm liking my biceps, although they are long and will not get huge. My forearms don't look half bad either for being so scrawny.

Back - I have not looked at my back lately. I need to.

Chest above boobage - shaping up nicely.

Boobage - Not shrinking too badly. Yet.

Stomach/Abs - Upper abs are looking very nice. Obliques are not bad either. The little pooch around my belly button is being stubborn. It's my "baby" pooch. It does not upset me at all. I'm so happy I had a baby. I will be very patient with this area of my body. Maybe it will never go away. I did not get stretch marks. In so many ways, I am very lucky.

Butt - Slimming down...need to slim down quite a bit more. I like the junk...but it's hard to get my pants to fit right. Can't quite get into 4's yet (I'm in a 6 mostly). Also, with my junk comes cellulite, and we can't have that.

Thighs - Looking not half bad. Getting some good quad definition and cellulite is melting away.

Calves - well..these always shrink down to little sticks when I work out. I know my calves are stronger, but doubt they will build up a whole lot. That's okay.


Overall, I am feeling much stronger in every exercise and can lift more and more. All my measurements have gone down.

However, my scale weight has not gone down much at all. I know to not pay attention to the scale. I've not weighed myself much lately. But, I've been trained by society to really dig really low numbers in weight on myself. I think I'm #132 now. I'd like to be #125, but I do not want to sacrifice muscle for it. I may never get to my #125 pre-pregnancy weight. That's okay, as long as I feel good.

I have not taken my body fat measurements. I need to.

My only slight concern is that I seem to have pulled something in my chest or my back. I can't tell which...it's deep inside. Hard to explain, but when I pick up baby, for instance, I feel it. Like a pain deep inside...feels like back pain to me. I did lift an awful lot (for me) on my back on Sunday. Then doing those bench pullovers put you in an awkward position where it's easy to do it wrong. To save time, I did not take a break between 1 arm dumbell row sets, since you switch arms anyway. Maybe I needed the rest.

Also...I can really feel it in my joints when I do cardio. Man...I'm getting old. My doctor recommended something that lubricates joints (due to my bum arthritic hip). I didn't buy it b/c it was too expensive. I may need to look into it now.

Please Wait To Be Seated

My husband and I went out to eat last weekend. Another fun restaurant experience.

We got there early. We were seated in a row of 2-seater booths, fairly close to the hostess area. As the evening progressed, more people filled the waiting area, until it was pretty full with people waiting for a table. This was a little Italian place, on the informal side. Nothing super fancy.

One woman in waiting decides that she is not going to wait in the designated waiting area. Oh no. Instead, she goes not just past the "wait to be seated" sign, not just into the restaurant proper, but directly beside our booth. There was a wall across from our table, across the very narrow aisle, that she was leaning on, arms folded, and she was no more than 2 feet away from us, just lurching over us like a vulture.

I mean, she could hear every word of our conversation. I'm telling you, she was RIGHT THERE. Not that our conversation was all that intriguing or anything, so I decided to make it so:

Me: "So, have you gotten laid lately?"
Hubby (who quickly follows suit): "Um, no, I haven't. Damn wife is frigid. Good thing I have you."
"Yeah, but I'm so sore all the time"
"I know. I've been told I'm too big before"
"Too big? Now that's an understatement".
"Are you complaining?"
"Oh no! I love them big, fat and juicy. The bigger the better. We just have to practice more"
etc., etc.

She just stood there. Continued to stand. And when we said the raunchiest stuff, she would look directly at us, like at our faces. As if we were in *her* space.

I even went so far as to say, "Gee...it's so nice to be able to get out for once and have adult conversation, one on one, in private, where no one can hear us". She still didn't leave until she got a table.

We said later that we should have just sarcastically asked her if she'd like to join us.

I know I'm a bit uptight with my personal space, but geez. If our table had bordered the waiting area, it would not have been her fault. But she was clearly out of bounds.

I always wonder what is running through people's minds when they act like idiots, and I wonder why they are not more like me (perfect - heh). I would feel very self-conscious hovering over someone's table like that. Why didn't she? Heck, maybe our fake conversation made it irresistible for her to leave.

At least hubby and I had a good test of our improvisational skills.


Edit: I just realized that my last post and this post are complaints about how people annoy me, ha ha. I see a theme here. My next post should be something more cheerful and positive. I'll work on it. I think I do have some upbeat things to report, but they are just not as interesting. :)