I am an only child. This means, duh, I do not have brothers and sisters.
I did a lot of babysitting, but that’s not the same as watching your mother take care of a sibling every day.
I helped my grandma babysit my cousins, but the following subject never came up.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
An Education on What Happens at the Toilet
Or “Another Great Topic for Dinner Conversation!”
I am a woman, and I know what women do and don’t do on the toilet. They do not stand to pee. They sit. There are always exceptions, but I’m talking about the norm here. And I’m going to be talking about the norm throughout this essay.
So, women sit. We’re clear on that. No matter what we’re doing on said toilet, we sit (or squat if in public).
Another thing that women do: We wipe. No matter what has come out of what orifice, we wipe it nice and clean and dry. A sort of analogy to a famous saying men use for men at the toilet: If you wipe too long, then you’re just playing with it (but women are not so apt to play with it on the toilet. I’m not saying it hasn’t been done, but most women are of the opinion that the toilet is not the place to be. We want to do our business, and then hightail it out of there. Men seem to love it there, which is why it takes them twice as long to finish poo’ing and why they like to read encyclopedias in there. It’s their escape! So..very…sad.) Regardless, we wipe.
Unless we notice after the fact that there is no tp and then we are forced to drip dry, which never works very well, now does it?
So, women sit. Women wipe. Yay for Women.
Men.
My logic always told me that if women wipe, men must wipe, too. Of course they do for their sit down function (again, the majority here), but for the standing, they’d wipe, too, right? I mean, they just peed, so why wouldn’t they wipe it nice and dry? Sure, they’ve got some extra tubing, but does how long the tube is really matter? Sure, the end of the tube is farther away from a man’s body than a woman’s, but it’s still their body – the opening is still at the end of their body. I know “it” sometimes has its own mind and personality, but when they say that they are just making excuses - it is still part of their body.
Imagine my amazement when I discovered at the age of 22 that men didn’t wipe after all. Huh, whaddya know? They shake it! It’s a whole procedure where they sort of squeeze it to the end, and then flop that puppy around like there’s no tomorrow.
I see some faulty logic here:
1) No amount of shaking is going to get it nice and dry. Women know this, hence, we do not shake our ass all around trying to get it dry. Just imagine!
2) The toilet bowl is not so big and the men are not so accurate that they can aim the droplets produced by their shaking directly into the commode. Hence, the huge mess that most men make on the toilet bowl and the surrounding area.
My husband happens to be a very clean person. We do not have piss all around our toilet. However, I do tend to find a mess of piss on the rim when I lift the lid to clean it. He can’t ever see it, of course, being that he’s standing the whole time and too busy aiming his wiener. He does wipe the rim off most of the time though – I’ll give him that, but wouldn’t it be easier just to wipe the sausage in the first place?
3) Related to 1) , without wiping it, they are going to get little droplets of piss on their underwear. I’ve seen it, I’ve felt it. I know. Maybe not everytime, maybe not everyone, but it is possible.
I propose that men everywhere stop with the shaking and take just one square of toilet paper and dab that baby. I think you would like the results of this much better. You’d get it nice and dry, your underwear wouldn’t get a little dab of piss on it, our toilets would be cleaner, and when you come to bed, I would not feel a little wetness or piss droplets on my leg.
Plus, if you want my mouth anywhere near it, I’d prefer no urinal residue, thank you very much, or I’d at least like the residue to be minimized. I don’t like the thought of the piss only being shaken off the stick followed by being placed anywhere near my body. I mean, I’d prefer a full body bath beforehand actually, but, one can’t get too picky about these things or one would be considered an uptight bitch.
I wondered why the little boy I babysat for when I was a teen always gave me a funny, sideways look when I made him wipe it. I didn’t know! He is probably in therapy now because of me.
On that note, do I teach my son to “shake it” or what? “Okay, honey, now, just slowly squeeze it to the end and now…..SHAKE IT! YAY!! SHAKE IT LIKE CRAZY!! YOU GET ALL THAT PEE OFF OF THERE! Good boy!!!”, and then do I have to physically show him? I suppose with a little boy in training, he would just have to jiggle it a little or something. But he really won’t be using toilet paper for this??? Sounds like a job for hubby. Oh my.
I did a lot of babysitting, but that’s not the same as watching your mother take care of a sibling every day.
I helped my grandma babysit my cousins, but the following subject never came up.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
An Education on What Happens at the Toilet
Or “Another Great Topic for Dinner Conversation!”
I am a woman, and I know what women do and don’t do on the toilet. They do not stand to pee. They sit. There are always exceptions, but I’m talking about the norm here. And I’m going to be talking about the norm throughout this essay.
So, women sit. We’re clear on that. No matter what we’re doing on said toilet, we sit (or squat if in public).
Another thing that women do: We wipe. No matter what has come out of what orifice, we wipe it nice and clean and dry. A sort of analogy to a famous saying men use for men at the toilet: If you wipe too long, then you’re just playing with it (but women are not so apt to play with it on the toilet. I’m not saying it hasn’t been done, but most women are of the opinion that the toilet is not the place to be. We want to do our business, and then hightail it out of there. Men seem to love it there, which is why it takes them twice as long to finish poo’ing and why they like to read encyclopedias in there. It’s their escape! So..very…sad.) Regardless, we wipe.
Unless we notice after the fact that there is no tp and then we are forced to drip dry, which never works very well, now does it?
So, women sit. Women wipe. Yay for Women.
Men.
My logic always told me that if women wipe, men must wipe, too. Of course they do for their sit down function (again, the majority here), but for the standing, they’d wipe, too, right? I mean, they just peed, so why wouldn’t they wipe it nice and dry? Sure, they’ve got some extra tubing, but does how long the tube is really matter? Sure, the end of the tube is farther away from a man’s body than a woman’s, but it’s still their body – the opening is still at the end of their body. I know “it” sometimes has its own mind and personality, but when they say that they are just making excuses - it is still part of their body.
Imagine my amazement when I discovered at the age of 22 that men didn’t wipe after all. Huh, whaddya know? They shake it! It’s a whole procedure where they sort of squeeze it to the end, and then flop that puppy around like there’s no tomorrow.
I see some faulty logic here:
1) No amount of shaking is going to get it nice and dry. Women know this, hence, we do not shake our ass all around trying to get it dry. Just imagine!
2) The toilet bowl is not so big and the men are not so accurate that they can aim the droplets produced by their shaking directly into the commode. Hence, the huge mess that most men make on the toilet bowl and the surrounding area.
My husband happens to be a very clean person. We do not have piss all around our toilet. However, I do tend to find a mess of piss on the rim when I lift the lid to clean it. He can’t ever see it, of course, being that he’s standing the whole time and too busy aiming his wiener. He does wipe the rim off most of the time though – I’ll give him that, but wouldn’t it be easier just to wipe the sausage in the first place?
3) Related to 1) , without wiping it, they are going to get little droplets of piss on their underwear. I’ve seen it, I’ve felt it. I know. Maybe not everytime, maybe not everyone, but it is possible.
I propose that men everywhere stop with the shaking and take just one square of toilet paper and dab that baby. I think you would like the results of this much better. You’d get it nice and dry, your underwear wouldn’t get a little dab of piss on it, our toilets would be cleaner, and when you come to bed, I would not feel a little wetness or piss droplets on my leg.
Plus, if you want my mouth anywhere near it, I’d prefer no urinal residue, thank you very much, or I’d at least like the residue to be minimized. I don’t like the thought of the piss only being shaken off the stick followed by being placed anywhere near my body. I mean, I’d prefer a full body bath beforehand actually, but, one can’t get too picky about these things or one would be considered an uptight bitch.
I wondered why the little boy I babysat for when I was a teen always gave me a funny, sideways look when I made him wipe it. I didn’t know! He is probably in therapy now because of me.
On that note, do I teach my son to “shake it” or what? “Okay, honey, now, just slowly squeeze it to the end and now…..SHAKE IT! YAY!! SHAKE IT LIKE CRAZY!! YOU GET ALL THAT PEE OFF OF THERE! Good boy!!!”, and then do I have to physically show him? I suppose with a little boy in training, he would just have to jiggle it a little or something. But he really won’t be using toilet paper for this??? Sounds like a job for hubby. Oh my.
