My husband and I have a tendency to be negative at times, and we feed off each other with that. We can really dig a hole of negativity and bury ourselves in it when we feel like it. We also tend to lean towards thinking that people are out to intentionally fuck with us, and that God and Fate hate us. The worse one of us is, the worse the other is, and it really wears us down. We enjoy talking about it a little too much, with a lot of fuck that and fuck them and fuck that's...which is funny at first, but then you know, it gets to be self-defeating.
At the same time, we feed off each other's positivity as well. We will never be the do-gooder type of bubbly happy happy joy joy silly folk. However, we could be happier. And many times, we are. It's a challenge when one of us is feeling negative for the other to be positive.
Matt and I are lucky in so many ways. God and Fate don't really hate us. The biggest blessing is Baby Jude. The chances of us having a child were zero to none, so we were told. We tried in-vitro on a whim, not really sure if it would work, and the odds were against us. We prayed and prayed and prayed, and asked family and friends to pray for us, too. Praying is very unlike Matt & I, but we really wanted the power of positive thinking in this case to work for us. We truly believed in the cause.
And it worked. We have our Baby Jude. I STILL cannot believe it. How could we ever question our fate again? Or God? Seriously. We are as born-again as we are going to get. I thank God every day. I'm not sure if we even deserved this blessing. It wasn't supposed to happen, and it did. We are forever changed.
On a way, way less serious note: Another blessing for Matt & I is our body types. We are both thin. We can eat crap, and remain relatively thin.
I am into fitness, and I see people struggle with their weight and body type and eating habits every day. I'd like to say I'm a great person, but I'm really not. Matt & I are blessed with good genetics when it comes to fat ratios. We're just not fat! We do happen to be very active, but it's not really a choice we make. We just are. Well, I guess it is a choice. Or is it? It's a debate really. It's not like we say "we really should get up off our asses". We both are the type who don't mind parking far away in a parking lot. Walking doesn't kill us. And I see others circle and circle until they get that close spot, and they are usually overweight. And you can't use having kids as an excuse. We bring Jude all the time. He doesn't care if we park far away.
Here's the downside to our body type genetics: We both have so much more potential. We could both be really buff and cut individuals. But we think so much alike. We are minimalists. We're thin, people tell us we look good, so why bother with the extra mile crap? Matt's doctor just told him the other day that he is healthy and needs to do exactly what he is doing, and Matt hasn't worked out in 3 weeks and eats his fair share of crap!
I am doing the minimum in workouts and eating about 85% clean, but I wear a size 4, people are pissed b/c I'm not fat post-baby...knowing all that and knowing I'm not giving 100% as it is...what is my incentive? I'm getting by on the minimum.
Matt & I both have this roadblock. We are underachievers in our jobs and in this. It's like we get really close to achieving and overachieving, and then we stop ourselves and stay below that line. Why is this? It's like it's just too easy.
Now, after having baby, I have cut myself some slack with my first BFL challenge. I think it's okay for me to just go along while I figure out my schedule, and while I'm still nursing. I could really look and feel so much better. I am longing to go that extra mile my next challenge, and really push myself. I think I could be killer if I really pushed myself. I think I could achieve what many people only dream of. It's all right there in front of me, on a silver platter. So...what is stopping me? Something is. I'm not sure what it is, but something is stopping me. It's like I cannot just let myself be successful. It's hard to explain what goes on in my brain.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Common Driving Mistakes
I’ve noticed that many drivers don’t know the rules. I would like to refresh a few memories.
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1) A 4-way stop means stop, wait your turn, and then go. It does not mean stop and then go in and of itself. In other words, it does not mean stop and then go regardless of whose turn it is.
2) If you are taking a right at a 4-way stop, you still have to stop and wait your turn.
3) If you are taking a left at an intersection and don’t have an arrow, you do NOT have the right of way.
4) It’s okay to turn right on red if there is no sign that says “No turn on red”.
5) At the same time, you cannot turn on red if the sign says you cannot, so quit honking at me asshole and read the fucking sign.
6) A yellow light does not mean hurry up and speed through. Neither does a red light.
7) A green light does not mean slow down to almost a halt 100 yards before the light just in case it may suddenly turn red. (old people love to do this)
8) When someone is passing you on a two lane highway, this is not your cue to suddenly remember what a slow ass driver you are and speed up. This is in fact very dangerous.
9) Cruise control is your friend. If I pass you on a 4-lane highway, I am maintaining a constant speed, I caught up to you,so I went around you. It’s not personal. So why do you catch up to me again? Worse, why do I THEN catch up to YOU, AGAIN? Get with the program. I don’t feel like playing this game for 60+ miles.
10) Slamming on your brakes because you see a cop does no good. By the time you see the cop, it’s too late, sucka.
11) Slamming on your brakes to stop a tailgater also does no good. It’s not like they are going to say, “Oh, gee, I guess I AM being a jerk. I will politely back off”.
12) Honking at a semi-truck who cuts you off is pointless. They don’t give a shit. They can’t see you, or if they can they are bigger than you, and they do what they want.
13) If you ride a motorcycle, you do not have the right to run red lights so that your “gang” can stay together. I personally don’t think weaving in and around cars is a smart idea either.
14) Getting mad at bad drivers really does no good at all. Flipping them off just makes you look stupid. Honking isn’t going to teach them anything. I would suggest only honking if a wreck is imminent, or if someone doesn’t know the light is green. Otherwise, it’s pointless. Bad drivers aren’t going to change because you get mad at them. 9 times out of 10, I would guess that people are just not paying attention. It is not a personal vendetta against you when people drive so poorly or cut you off, get in your way, etc.
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Driving around here annoys the hell out of me. The list could go on and on. I am working very diligently at following rule #14, a personal challenge. I want to be a good role model for my son, not some cussing, bird-flipping, white trash maniac.
_____________________________________________________________
1) A 4-way stop means stop, wait your turn, and then go. It does not mean stop and then go in and of itself. In other words, it does not mean stop and then go regardless of whose turn it is.
2) If you are taking a right at a 4-way stop, you still have to stop and wait your turn.
3) If you are taking a left at an intersection and don’t have an arrow, you do NOT have the right of way.
4) It’s okay to turn right on red if there is no sign that says “No turn on red”.
5) At the same time, you cannot turn on red if the sign says you cannot, so quit honking at me asshole and read the fucking sign.
6) A yellow light does not mean hurry up and speed through. Neither does a red light.
7) A green light does not mean slow down to almost a halt 100 yards before the light just in case it may suddenly turn red. (old people love to do this)
8) When someone is passing you on a two lane highway, this is not your cue to suddenly remember what a slow ass driver you are and speed up. This is in fact very dangerous.
9) Cruise control is your friend. If I pass you on a 4-lane highway, I am maintaining a constant speed, I caught up to you,so I went around you. It’s not personal. So why do you catch up to me again? Worse, why do I THEN catch up to YOU, AGAIN? Get with the program. I don’t feel like playing this game for 60+ miles.
10) Slamming on your brakes because you see a cop does no good. By the time you see the cop, it’s too late, sucka.
11) Slamming on your brakes to stop a tailgater also does no good. It’s not like they are going to say, “Oh, gee, I guess I AM being a jerk. I will politely back off”.
12) Honking at a semi-truck who cuts you off is pointless. They don’t give a shit. They can’t see you, or if they can they are bigger than you, and they do what they want.
13) If you ride a motorcycle, you do not have the right to run red lights so that your “gang” can stay together. I personally don’t think weaving in and around cars is a smart idea either.
14) Getting mad at bad drivers really does no good at all. Flipping them off just makes you look stupid. Honking isn’t going to teach them anything. I would suggest only honking if a wreck is imminent, or if someone doesn’t know the light is green. Otherwise, it’s pointless. Bad drivers aren’t going to change because you get mad at them. 9 times out of 10, I would guess that people are just not paying attention. It is not a personal vendetta against you when people drive so poorly or cut you off, get in your way, etc.
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Driving around here annoys the hell out of me. The list could go on and on. I am working very diligently at following rule #14, a personal challenge. I want to be a good role model for my son, not some cussing, bird-flipping, white trash maniac.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Are We There Yet?
This is my perspective on what it means to a woman to have an orgasm versus what it means to a man:
NOTE: Graphic material
There is the physical versus the mental nature of having sex. For women it's more mental. For men it's more physical.
There are very few absolutes in life. Of COURSE women can enjoy the physical, too. And sometimes it's all physical for women. Of COURSE men can be very mental about making love, too.
But when it comes to coming, men have a true physical need, while women really do not. It just feels good. Sure, if we are brought to the brink and nothing happens, it might be slightly uncomfortable or slightly annoying, but not physically painful.
I'm not a man, so I won't pretend to be one, although I've tried several times, hence the strap-on. KIDDING! Seriously though...through my many years of observation, it seems that men get a buildup whereupon they need a release. I don't know if it's exactly painful, but from all accounts, it seems to be pretty uncomfortable. I think men really NEED to masturbate if they are not releasing some other way, whereas women just do it b/c they can. Women may feel a little on edge if they don't get that release, but it's not like we've got semen building up in our balls that need releasing. It's just a muscle contraction for us. Having an orgasm releases endorphins, which feels good, but we're not getting blue balls.
So when sexual activity commences, for men, there is a definite ending - they come. Everyone knows that is what the aim is (sometimes, I'm unprepared for where "the aim" is, heh). Everyone knows that when that happens, it's over. Everyone knows that when it doesn't happen, it's not really over.
Have I, as a woman, ever collapsed on top of my husband and then rolled off as if we're all down now after I came? Ha ha - that would be funny to try. Nope - we keep pushing forward until he's done, too. He'll push forward for me, too, in the opposite situation. But, something is different...there is a momentary lapse in thrusting wherein he glows in his achievement, and then it's just different if he keeps trying to please me. I mean...he's DONE. It's just not the same. Yeah, we can restart him sometimes, but then we're looking at a marathon fuck. More below on that. Whereas if I get there, I'm not done. My vagina doesn't literally close up for business afterwards. Now THAT WOULD be funny.
I don't know why people try to deny it. Men who act like they don't care if they do get there are lying. Men who act like they are still interested in pleasing a woman afterwards...well, those men are great sports, and I'd advise holding onto them if you have one like that. I personally do not feel satisfied if my partner does not get there, because I know that is what he wants.
I'm not saying I'm nothing more than a latex vagina for him to jerk off into. I know a lot is indeed mental for him in regards to the fact that it is *me* he is doing this with, and he wants me to enjoy it, too. I'm just saying that none of us is going to be happy until he gets there.
Which brings me to my point, cuz I do have a point:
It is not as important for me to get there every time, but he thinks it is, b/c it is important for him to get there.
The minute I catch on to the fact that he wants me to get there, like RIGHT NOW, it's never going to happen. I can't make people laugh on demand, I cannot pee on demand, and I cannot orgasm on demand. The minute he says "are you going to come for me?", the answer would be no. This is my mental hang-up. I do not think most women are like this. Not really sure actually.
There is a myth that the longer the duration, the better (note I did not say that "the bigger the better" is a myth, :) ). Now, I am all for marathon fucks and they have their important place in my life. Believe me. I'm not a huge fan of the "enter/stroke/cum" quick succession of events either. Somewhere between marathon and quickness, I am happy. When I feel like we all are trying too hard, the desire starts to fizzle.
I think he feels the same; if he gets the sense that I'm not having fun and just waiting for him to finish, I think it becomes a mental struggle for him. too. And rightly so. It's hardly ever like that, but you know, we all have our moments of imperfection in the bedroom. Lots of variables that would require way too much writing.
I must add there are those times that I will *not* be happy unless I do get there. I'd say about 2 out of every 5 times I feel that way. I let him know, and he knows exactly what needs to be done in those instances. :)
Communication, as always, is the key. I don't mind saying, "I'm sorry. It's just not going to happen". However, I don't want him to take it as a personal failure on his part. I know he feels that way, but it totally is not the case for me. I am happy with it 9.5 out of 10 times, even if I don't orgasm. I'd rather tell him this than fake an orgasm.
I wonder which one makes him happier though? He wouldn't want me to fake it, but would he be happier thinking I came than he would be knowing the truth? Hmmmm. One of those "is he better off not knowing" dilemmas wherein him knowing maybe just makes ME feel good and guilt-free, but does not do much for him. I can't ask him, cuz of course he will say he doesn't want me to fake it. So, he'd have to really think I finished. Interesting.
Further, knowing that he wants to on his end and needs it, I *do* consider it a personal failure when he does not, which is very, very rare, but it's happened. No amount of explaining will convince me otherwise.
It sounds like I'm a hypocrite and am pegging women and men into their respective stereotypes. Perhaps, but I do believe there is a marked difference between men and women in general, in what they want out of sex, and what an orgasm means to each.
Many similarities exist, of course, and this is the stuff that a good marriage is built upon. I don't think the differences are bad; just something men and women should know about.
NOTE: Graphic material
There is the physical versus the mental nature of having sex. For women it's more mental. For men it's more physical.
There are very few absolutes in life. Of COURSE women can enjoy the physical, too. And sometimes it's all physical for women. Of COURSE men can be very mental about making love, too.
But when it comes to coming, men have a true physical need, while women really do not. It just feels good. Sure, if we are brought to the brink and nothing happens, it might be slightly uncomfortable or slightly annoying, but not physically painful.
I'm not a man, so I won't pretend to be one, although I've tried several times, hence the strap-on. KIDDING! Seriously though...through my many years of observation, it seems that men get a buildup whereupon they need a release. I don't know if it's exactly painful, but from all accounts, it seems to be pretty uncomfortable. I think men really NEED to masturbate if they are not releasing some other way, whereas women just do it b/c they can. Women may feel a little on edge if they don't get that release, but it's not like we've got semen building up in our balls that need releasing. It's just a muscle contraction for us. Having an orgasm releases endorphins, which feels good, but we're not getting blue balls.
So when sexual activity commences, for men, there is a definite ending - they come. Everyone knows that is what the aim is (sometimes, I'm unprepared for where "the aim" is, heh). Everyone knows that when that happens, it's over. Everyone knows that when it doesn't happen, it's not really over.
Have I, as a woman, ever collapsed on top of my husband and then rolled off as if we're all down now after I came? Ha ha - that would be funny to try. Nope - we keep pushing forward until he's done, too. He'll push forward for me, too, in the opposite situation. But, something is different...there is a momentary lapse in thrusting wherein he glows in his achievement, and then it's just different if he keeps trying to please me. I mean...he's DONE. It's just not the same. Yeah, we can restart him sometimes, but then we're looking at a marathon fuck. More below on that. Whereas if I get there, I'm not done. My vagina doesn't literally close up for business afterwards. Now THAT WOULD be funny.
I don't know why people try to deny it. Men who act like they don't care if they do get there are lying. Men who act like they are still interested in pleasing a woman afterwards...well, those men are great sports, and I'd advise holding onto them if you have one like that. I personally do not feel satisfied if my partner does not get there, because I know that is what he wants.
I'm not saying I'm nothing more than a latex vagina for him to jerk off into. I know a lot is indeed mental for him in regards to the fact that it is *me* he is doing this with, and he wants me to enjoy it, too. I'm just saying that none of us is going to be happy until he gets there.
Which brings me to my point, cuz I do have a point:
It is not as important for me to get there every time, but he thinks it is, b/c it is important for him to get there.
The minute I catch on to the fact that he wants me to get there, like RIGHT NOW, it's never going to happen. I can't make people laugh on demand, I cannot pee on demand, and I cannot orgasm on demand. The minute he says "are you going to come for me?", the answer would be no. This is my mental hang-up. I do not think most women are like this. Not really sure actually.
There is a myth that the longer the duration, the better (note I did not say that "the bigger the better" is a myth, :) ). Now, I am all for marathon fucks and they have their important place in my life. Believe me. I'm not a huge fan of the "enter/stroke/cum" quick succession of events either. Somewhere between marathon and quickness, I am happy. When I feel like we all are trying too hard, the desire starts to fizzle.
I think he feels the same; if he gets the sense that I'm not having fun and just waiting for him to finish, I think it becomes a mental struggle for him. too. And rightly so. It's hardly ever like that, but you know, we all have our moments of imperfection in the bedroom. Lots of variables that would require way too much writing.
I must add there are those times that I will *not* be happy unless I do get there. I'd say about 2 out of every 5 times I feel that way. I let him know, and he knows exactly what needs to be done in those instances. :)
Communication, as always, is the key. I don't mind saying, "I'm sorry. It's just not going to happen". However, I don't want him to take it as a personal failure on his part. I know he feels that way, but it totally is not the case for me. I am happy with it 9.5 out of 10 times, even if I don't orgasm. I'd rather tell him this than fake an orgasm.
I wonder which one makes him happier though? He wouldn't want me to fake it, but would he be happier thinking I came than he would be knowing the truth? Hmmmm. One of those "is he better off not knowing" dilemmas wherein him knowing maybe just makes ME feel good and guilt-free, but does not do much for him. I can't ask him, cuz of course he will say he doesn't want me to fake it. So, he'd have to really think I finished. Interesting.
Further, knowing that he wants to on his end and needs it, I *do* consider it a personal failure when he does not, which is very, very rare, but it's happened. No amount of explaining will convince me otherwise.
It sounds like I'm a hypocrite and am pegging women and men into their respective stereotypes. Perhaps, but I do believe there is a marked difference between men and women in general, in what they want out of sex, and what an orgasm means to each.
Many similarities exist, of course, and this is the stuff that a good marriage is built upon. I don't think the differences are bad; just something men and women should know about.
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