It infuriates me when people flick their cigarettes out of their car when I'm driving behind them, and the burning cig comes back and hits my car. It happens all the freaking time.
It happened today. And it really pissed me off. I flicked my brights at the wench, and as they say constantly on Thomas the Tank Engine, I felt very "cross".
The anger was building, and I was cussing to myself. The more I thought of the burning cig hitting my car, the madder I got at the helplessness of the situation (what can I do about it now? She got her way with her cig and my car).
As I was feeling angry, Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" played on the radio. I had just watched "A Christmas Carol" last night and read the story last week. I realized I was fuming mad at someone I didn't know for no real good reason, right in the middle of a holiday season when I should be feeling joy towards Humankind.
Do cigarettes that hit my car really hurt me or my car? I honestly don't know, but I doubt it. I know I don't like the *idea* of a burning flying object hitting my car. Could it blow up my car somehow, lol? I know that's a silly girl thing to say, but what if a drop of gas got on my car after I filled up? What then? Could the heat of the cig hurt my paint job? Back when I had a sun roof and if I had it open, I worried about the cig flying into my car. But typically, it just hits the front of my car, but it does hit my car. I'm sure what makes me mad is that I feel like I'm being trampled on by my neighbor. The haughty taughty smoker thinks that she's so above me that she can fling her cig at my car. It's humiliating on some level. (not to mention the anonymous people who flick their cigs in our driveway. Why do people think they can throw their trash out like that? That's what it is. Trash.)
So my first question is: What is a normal response to a burning cigarette being thrown at one's car? Clearly, I was way too angry about it. In the spirit of A Christmas Carol, am I just supposed to smile and feel cheery and love my fellow driver, burning cig projectile and all? I'm not being smart ass...I really want to know! Is a normal response a feeling of mild irritation, internally, without blinking the brights, and then move on and be happy and love my fellow driver again? In other words, is the proper response just to lay low and take it?
My second question is: Why *am* I so angry these days? Before the cig incident this morning, I was mad at another driver. I was behind her waiting to turn left out of our neighborhood. There was lots of traffic b/c we live right by a high school where classes were about to start, but still, at some point, you just have to go already. This woman waited, and waited, and waited, and waited...I mean I swear she was waiting until she could see no cars anywhere.
I was getting really frustrated (cross again)...you know, have to get to daycare, have to get to work, etc. And I started cussing. What the fuck is she waiting for? And JC! (sorry JC). All of this while baby was in the car....bad. (he doesn't really notice now, but he will, and you know, he probably notices more than I realize).
She finally went, and I was right behind her. We came up to a red light. When it turned green, she just sat there. She rolled backwards a little. Ah...now I see the problem. Engine problems. Her car kept dying. Not totally her fault. And so then I felt all forgiving, right? Wrong. I said "what the fuck is she doing now?" and went around her. The truck behind me was right behind me.
So...why am I so angry? Am I just a bad person, like Scrooge? Is it the environment I was raised in? Is it the sometimes over the top angry person I live with? Am I generally unhappy with my life? Do I hate my fellow man that much? Are there little stresses just nagging at me which surface when I drive? Is it just "that time of year"?
I'd really like to know, b/c I am trying to be a better person. For my baby, for myself, for the good of all. I want to be kind, forgiving, understanding, gentle. I don't know if I'll ever get to all of that, but I cannot over-react every time little things happen. Plus, I really do wonder where all this anger is coming from. I think I have ideas, but I don't like that answer. Although it's fixable, with a little work.
I think writing it out like this is a good first step in Anger Management. I want to fix it. I want to stop my auto-response or at least have more control over it. I don't want to end up with 3 spirits visiting me, although, if that's what it takes, bring 'em on.
P.S. This is not a slam against my smoking friends. Most people I actually know who smoke are quite courteous. It's those smoking strangers who seem to be the foolios. :)
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4 comments:
How insightful! Too few of us are willing to even ask ourselves such questions.
My therapist always said that when we get disproportionately angry over a small thing, it usually indicates the presence of a bigger thing that we're not dealing with. Ever since, I've found that to be generally true for me.
That answer you don't like? It might be worth a good, honest look . . .
Aside from all that: Merry Christmas to you and your family.
TG- yeah...that's what concerns me, that it must be some bigger issue other than then cigs. A Merry Christmas to you, too!
Karla, can you send me your addy again, I can't find it to invite you.
On the cigarette thing...I hate that AND their smoke.
I hate the cig out the window too, especially in the summer with my convertible top down. Although, I used to be a smoker who threw butts out the window. I always thought they were biodegradable and disintegrated when it rained.
As for the anger thing.... I am with TG. I think it stems from a bigger issue...maybe something you are not consciously aware of. My dad is the same way and actually took anger mgmt classes. It seemed to help. Obviously the lady driving in front of you didn't mean to piss you off...she was just doing her thing. I am sure it didn't upset her in the least, but it put you in a bad mood which probably affected the rest of your day to some degree.
On a happier note....MERRY CHRISTMAS!
=)
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