A post holiday note: Santa Claus freaks me out.
Actually, I need to rephrase this: The people who play Santa Claus freak me out.
I mean, c'mon...I am very joyous around the holidays. I love Yuletide cheer, the Three Spirits of Christmas, Frosty, Rudolph, and Santy Claus.
Being childless for years, I haven't paid much attention to all of this kid stuff for a while, but this year after having a baby, I did pay attention.
I have something over on the kids (SPOILER TO FOLLOW: ALL CHILDREN YOUNG AND OLD, PLEASE STOP READING THIS AND GO TO BED):
I know that these are just men dressed up like Santa Claus. I'm not saying there isn't a Santa Claus, but these men are not it.
And they freak me out b/c I can see the man behind the mask, or the beard, as it were. I just see this guy who wants to put my little boy on his lap. What if he's a sex offender? Isn't this a sex offender's dream job?
Now, if it's one of those old guys with a real beard who is actually fat and really looks like Santa Claus, then that's cool, especially if he speaks Dutch and the USPS sends all the Dear Santa Claus letters to him.
But when I hand my little boy to Santa Claus, and Santa proceeds to stare down my tits and then maybe even flirt with me b/c obviously my 4 mo. old can't say what he wants yet, then my shit do be freaked. From Santa, I don't want any flirty conversation or any indication of your sexuality. I want HO HO HO and good cheer and jolliness and maybe even some real elves running about. I'd even take Will Ferrell's version of an Elf. At least have Mrs. Claus around to keep Santa in check. Don't we all need to keep our husbands in check from time to time? Santa is no different. I don't want to be reminded that Santa has a penis. EWWW. I want him to be more like a Ken doll - penis-less.
On a side note, I'm starting to watch children's shows now, and I much prefer cartoons, computer animation, or at least kids playing characters. Adults acting like children or imaginary child-like characters don't do it for me. Like the Doodlebops - they also freak my shit out...And all those grown men who sing funny songs in between shows on Nickelodeon. Go away, you freakity freak freak. I don't want to clap my hands or stomp my feet while you play your guitar, dreaming of rock n roll stardom - a day come and gone for you. Begone, and bring me a cartoon. :)
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4 comments:
I see...having on of THOSE days are we KC?? ~Lol~ No I agree..although not quite so vehemently or eloquently~ but none the less..yea some of those things are just wrong!
& DON"T even get me started on BARNEY..hopefully for You & Jude he's Passe now..but EUUUUUUWWW he was just wrong! he & his big purple A** really creeped me out ..& the kids on the show were like little 'stepford" kids ..again WRONG
I told everyone in my family quiet strongly our house was a "Barney Free" zone!
How funny!! I too thought these same things, then I realized how much the kids realy love that stuff. I started watching with them and I'm embarressed to say, I would sing and dance too!! Just watching my kids enjoy so much made me get caught up in their fun. Thank God that's all over now though ;)
When my older kids were little they loved Barney and all that. Now that my little kids have older siblings to hang out with the are passed that baby show stuff, my 3 year old would rather watch Spongebob (whom I find to be quite witty, and no, I dont think he's gay...he's just non-sexual, and I'm sticking to that ;) My littler guys also like the Wonderpets, which at first the hamster creeped me out, but now I kind of like it. I like exposing the kids to the opera music. The only thing I really dislike about the Wiggles is how the songs get stuck in your head permanently, its so irritating. Luckily my kids don't like those guys anymore :D The nice thing about having the kid be at the baby stage is that if you don't like a show don't turn it there (i.e." No, that one is not on right now, sorry :D" Its after they get their own ideas and they know how to scroll through the guide list that it gets trickier. So you have about 2 years of control left HAHAHA.
Santa's are all about the freaky - sometimes I think they are either stoned or drunk! Last year we had to do a retake of the picture, not because of MY children but because Santa looked as if he was on drugs!
I just emailed you btw, let me know if you don't get it...
JO :>
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